I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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