Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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