and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
FUCK WHALES
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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