already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
