k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
