Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
