Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
