I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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