Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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