Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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