Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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