Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
