Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
