he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
