turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
