i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
