Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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