That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
