on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
