i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
