There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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