all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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