Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
