Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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