New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
