There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
