Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
