happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
