onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His nipple licking is glorious
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