Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
