I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
