Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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