He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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