I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
