If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
