Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
