you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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