just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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