Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
