it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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