I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
