Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
how does that bad decision feel?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
