I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
