its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
