i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
