all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
