Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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