Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Success! We fucked roommates!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
