Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
