whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
