You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
