I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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